Liver 2000, The Movie
December 30, 2008 at 12:56 pm | In Uncategorized | 1 CommentTags: cirrhosis of the liver, hitler, Liver 2000 the movie, oven in highway
I’m making a movie titled, Liver 2000, which will be finished sometime around 2020. I plan on incorporating the following list into said movie. As follows:
(Things that interest and horrify me)
1. Jupiter
2. Sharks
3. Crocodiles
4. Tornadoes
5. Hitler
6. Conquistadores
7. The Appalachian Mountains
8. Oven in the middle of the highway
9. Losing my teeth
10. Cirrhosis of the Liver (hence the title Liver 2000)
I’m sure it will be a smash hit.
Trust, Elvis Costello and the Attractions
December 29, 2008 at 11:17 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a CommentI just hooked up my record player after storing it in a bureau for two years. I had gotten rid of many of my records because they’re a pain in the ass to move. But I have kept some of my favorites like Hi…I’m Johnny Cash, Muddy Water’s Rolling Stone, and my personal favorite Trust, by Elvis Costello and the Attractions.
I’m not really into his later stuff, but this album (circa 1981) is so good it hurts. It sounds so awesome coming off a real record. Costello said that he and his band were heavily under the influence during the recording. It sounds pretty clean to me, but I’m pretty naive about that sort of business…You’ve got to check this shit out.
Oven in the Middle of Eastbound 94
December 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm | In Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: dumb ass', oven in the middle of highway, The Beatles
I was driving home from Anoka the other evening when I noticed an oven in the lane next to me. It was horrifying. I called the troopers to let them know, because I would hate for anyone to run into a fucking oven going 60 mph. Can you imagine? “Oh shit, Ma, watch out for that there oven in the road! Ah crap, we’re dead.”
I never follow a truck or car hauling stuff. I just think that a lot of people are lazy when it comes to tying down their shit. And I think that this type of person doesn’t take the time to think about what kind of havoc may be wrecked upon mankind as a direct result of their thoughtlessness.
That’s just how I feel.
Oh, and I don’t like hippies very much either. Except for the Beatles.
Lofty Dreams for the Future
December 24, 2008 at 1:02 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a CommentTags: Kevin Federline, Kevin Federline's maid, Kevin FederLoin
Even in my sleep, I have mediocre ambitions. I dreamed last night that I was hanging out with Kevin Federline. He had some people over and we were all drinking beers. He had recently lost weight and I told him that I was surprised to see him get so fat. He said “I really need to watch my weight because even an ounce of bacon will topple my dancer’s body.”
Then I was sitting on his lap and he was caressing my arm. And I have to say ladies, I wasn’t opposed to it. But then again, this was dream life, and I’m sure if this were to happen for real (because there is a large chance that it could) I would probably projectile vomit all over his khaki shorts.
Here comes the good part: I noticed that his house was filthy and I asked him if he needed a cleaning lady. He said yes, and we came to the conclusion that he could fly me out on a weekly basis from Minneapolis to LA to clean his house.
Wow. Aim high, little lady.
Why Didn’t Someone Say Something?
December 18, 2008 at 12:14 pm | In Uncategorized | 4 CommentsTags: bad photoshop, big butt hunter
This picture should technically go in my Big Butt Hunter blog, but I am so pissed about my recent weight gain that I had to place this photo somewhere more prominent. You know, a true friend will tell you when you’re getting fat.
**Wow. My photoshopping skills keep getting shittier. Amazing.**
When I Was Eleven
December 16, 2008 at 3:31 pm | In Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: Elephant floor show
This man asked me if I wanted to take an elephant ride and this is where he took me and my companion.
For those of you not in the know, Club Saratoga is a strip club and jazz music venue in Duluth’s Canal Park. It was grandfathered in, so a full range of boozes may be served along with a side of boobie. One time I saw a gal stripping there and she was pregnant. Have I told that story a million times yet? Geez.
Another Day in the Life of My Childhood
December 16, 2008 at 1:56 pm | In Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: ex-convict, rapist typwriter
I received my first typewriter at the age of 10 from an ex-convict (pictured). I can see it under the tree in the left background. It was used. I’m the one in the blue Palmetto jeans and stringy brown hair. It was the late 80’s. Please don’t make fun of our décor.
I’m working on a story about this. I always felt creeped out by this man. My dad was writing to him in prison about Jesus. We’d sometimes go to Stillwater prison and visit him. Actually, my dad would pray with him in his cell while my mom and my sisters and I waited in the prison visiting room. The toys were dirty. It was depressing.
This man said he didn’t rape anyone. His ex-wife said he did. My mom told me that he wanted to take my sisters and me out on a play date. She told him no.
I wonder what became of him?
Dream Fulfilled, Now May Die
December 15, 2008 at 10:02 am | In Uncategorized | 9 CommentsTags: life long dream, shirtless girl riding mechanical bull
Who here can say that they have ridden a mechanical bull? Anyone? Well I have. Suck it.
Where Are Your Hands?
December 14, 2008 at 6:13 pm | In Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: daddy santa
I call him daddy.
Bridgeman’s/Embers
December 8, 2008 at 12:45 pm | In Uncategorized | 1 CommentTags: breakfast., Bridgeman's, Embers, No Denny's
There’s a Bridgeman’s/Embers by Fishwich’s house which kicks some serious ass. I’m going to make it more of a regular hangout. Why?
1. 90% of the clients are retired.
2. The food is cheap and greasy.
3. Zero pretension.
4. It feels like grandma’s house.
5. Feels like a small town diner within the city.
6. There are large pictures of malts and whipped cream covered deserts on the walls.
7. You can wear your coveralls and no one cares.
8. Hassle-free parking.
9. Plenty of used newspaper.
10. Breakfast all day.
I guess the only drawback to the place is the no booze situation, but sometimes it’s nice to abstain.
Muscley Arm’s Webnog
BRRAAP!
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