Muscleyarm’s WebNog

And Jill and Random Cowboy. One is in New York, one is in Florida, and one is in the Boundary Waters. And here’s little ol’ me stuck in stinky Minneapolis, warding off johns. Which brings me to another stupid chapter in my idiotic life:

I attended Eda Cherry’s birthday dinner downtown at a hotel restaurant where we were served by a terrible waiter and I spilled beer all over my pant leg. The burgers flowed as well as the conversation and when the bill came, I really couldn’t understand it. But I tried my best and I think I got it right.

We all walked back to Eda and Sparber’s apartment and enjoyed two delicious cakes and fizzy liquid with crackers in it…or was it champagne with a lemon slice? There is no way of knowing. Soon, I realized that my pumpkin was going to disappear and I should head on home. I was offered a walking companion, but I found it unnecessary, since I know my way around downtown so well.

I forgot that I have a negative sense of direction and once outside, I began walking in the opposite direction of my car. I made a couple of turns and wound up in the same spot I had started. Then I took off in another direction and walked around for 15 minutes trying to get my barrings. A man pulled up to the curb in his car and waved me over. I gave him the middle finger as hard as I could. He drove off.

Eventually, through dark streets on high heels, I saw my car. But all of a sudden a man half a block behind me began saying, “Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.” How dare he! I turned around and yelled. “No! No sir! Go away! Fuck off you jerk!”

And then I reached my car. I was amazed at how close to death I was, and how far away from that situation I was once trolling down the highway.

Do you think I would have made the evening news? Because the above story is how you get kidnapped.

Oh, and the point is, if my friends weren’t out of town, we never would have gotten lost together…mainly because Random Cowboy and Jill live just around the corner from where I had been.

Someone put a leash on me.