Not Ashamed Anymore

July 31, 2008 at 8:43 pm | In Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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I tend to be pretty conscious of what I eat.  Not that I eat really healthy or nothin’ but I am aware that processed foods will eventually kill you.  That said, I still love Pizza Rolls.  I’ve been eating this crap since elementary school (I think) and it is still one of my favorite closet meals.

Today I picked up a sack of pepperoni P.R.’s:

Then I fashioned a little aluminum boat for my booty to sizzle in the toaster oven:

Then I split them up onto two dirty plates for Fishwich and me:

Yes, they do have an awesome taste, when they’re not burning the taste buds off your tongue:

And like I mentioned before, they are soooo easy to prepare, a mentally challenged 12 year old Muscleyarm can cook them to satisfaction.

They sure are damned tasty, and the perfect cure for a hangover (better than a full on Whopper)…even though the ingredient list is so long you need a magnifying glass.

I don’t care.  I LOVE PIZZA ROLLS!!

And butter.

And mayonnaise.

And coronaries.

Raccoon Surprise

July 30, 2008 at 7:31 pm | In Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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I was taking out the garbage after cleaning Fishwich’s house and inside the garbage receptacle was a raccoon.  We stared at each other, and then I ran backwards and paced around. 

I was wearing a skirt at this time and I didn’t know what to do.  Then I tip-toed back to the can and the durned thing jumped and yelled/hissed at me.  I was very frightened. 

Fishwich came out and knocked it over with garden hoe.  It ran away, sideways like a cat.  It was very fat. 

Stop rhyming.

Holy Shit, Mathman!

July 30, 2008 at 7:28 pm | In Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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Update:

I have reason to believe that I have passed Math.  Please get out the bananas, I have an ache to celebrate.

Modern Mathematics Final: A Mini-Excursion Through Hell

July 30, 2008 at 1:51 pm | In Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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My math book has the worst title ever. I’m looking forward to a huge math bonfire after tonight’s final exam. Hopefully, the eye-twitch I’ve been complaining about and suffering with for the last four months will disappear into the August wind.

Even though I have been joking that I’ve lost my faith in God, please pray for me in any fashion you see fit so that I may pass this class and never, ever talk of it again.

On August 26th my final undergrad course begins: Advanced Creative Writing with Alison McGhee.

Whoopie!! (no sarcasm).

Me and Ron Jeremy

July 30, 2008 at 10:27 am | In Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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Ron was feeling down in the dumps, so I made a song up for him:

But you can’t hear the song.  That’s between me and Ron.

Elephant and Henry the Tank Engine

July 26, 2008 at 8:46 am | In Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
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Fishwich has had his camera for over a year and he just now noticed that there is a stop-action feature on it. Here is his first attempt at using this technology.

Bottling, Drinking Homebrew

July 25, 2008 at 7:20 pm | In Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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Fishwich and Random Cowboy (Sleeper 78) are bottling the IPA we made about a couple of weeks ago. We are drinking ten beers of the last batch as fast as we can because we’re short on bottles. I’m playing my Casio MT-100 and Random Cowboy says it sounds like Monkey Island. Then he asked me if I knew what a Roman Helmet is.

I knew that it was something dirty. I know that some people find this sort of behavior sexually violating, but I find it hilarious. I’ve been to quite a few parties a house where the passed-out guy or gal gets a face full of balls and/or tits roses, depending on the flavor of the person still awake…

And then it gets put on Youtube.

What Happened Here?

July 24, 2008 at 8:38 am | In Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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It all began with half an anxiety pill from an associate, and then traffic on I-94. So naturally, I stopped by my old haunt, the Turf Club for a little music, which turned into friend-making and too much merriment. Now I regret the whole thing because I have much work to do and I goofed off like a fool.

Whoa is me!

Muscleyarm the Papparazzo!!

July 22, 2008 at 9:40 pm | In Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Martin in a Bikini:

I mean, Martin caught topless on a balcony making out with a married Balthazar Getty.

Uh, well. um…I mean, it’s Martin on the balcony of the condo that he shares with his wife, because I called him and told him to go out on his balcony because I was across the street.

Man, I suck at this. Now The Superficial will never hire me as a snarky celeblogger.

Martin Grilling!!

Are those asparagus? SCANDALOUS!!!

More Celebrity Meet and Greet Stories

July 22, 2008 at 9:12 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
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I was a hard-rockin’ kinda gal back in the 90s (this was pre-Elliott Smith discovery), and at 17, my weird fascination with the band Primus had cured into a full-blown obsession with the lead man, Les Claypool.

Boy, did he churn my Shedd’s Country Crock Plus Calcium.

So, when they came to the Roy Wilken’s auditorium to promote their recent album Tales From the Punch Bowl, I promptly bought tickets for my friend and myself.

After the show my friend and I waited around back to catch a gander.  After a half hour or so, the band came out and Les Claypool hung out with us groupies.  He came up to me and literally stood three inches in front of my face, picked up my pineapple necklace in his hands and said, “Nice pineapple necklace.”

I was petrified.  I asked for an autograph (say, where is that, anyway?) which he did very cordially.

Meeting him was way better than accidentally running into (not really running or touching or anything) Marilyn Manson who told me that “I killed her,” in a scary voice.

What a dork.

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