Muscleyarm’s WebNog

My name is Wanda and I need a man. Not just any man, but a man’s man. You get the picture. Here’s a list of traits I’m looking for. If you fit the bill, give me call.

1. Must smell good. I like that Axe body wash a lot.

2. Must have a job. I’m not picky. You can work at 7-11; I’m cool with that.

3. Must have hobbies. Bonus points to all y’all that are into foot massage, shaving a woman’s legs, and amateur gynecology. I don’t have health insurance.

4. Must put up with a woman who chews tobacco. I won’t give this one up and I won’t compromise.

5. Must buy me pretty things, like long fake nails with designs on them, sweatshirts bearing the likeness of the Tasmanian Devil, and a pearl necklace (a real one).

6. Must make me breakfast in bed: Scrambled eggs, sausage patties, bacon, pancakes, buttered toast, steak…you. In that order.

7. Must shave! No beardies accepted! I don’t go for that stubbly shit neither, so you best keep it clean. I have very sensitive skin and I can’t be getting a rash from you rubbing your nasty-ass face on mine.

8. This is a question as old as time: Boxers or briefs? I say boxers! And don’t try pulling any of that boxer-brief nonsense on me. I don’t need the package wrapped; I already know what the surprise is.

9. Must treat me with respect. Like, when I tell you about the latest plot turn on Days of Our Lives, I don’t want you to be nodding off during the conversation. And would it hurt you to give a little input too? What are your feelings about the state of John and Marlena’s relationship? Do you think that Bell and Phillip will get back together even though he was crippled while fighting in Iraq?

10. Must love Christmas Music! A man who doesn’t get in the spirit of things has no place in my life.

And that’s all the requirements I have.

Interested?